I Hate Squash

Finally, someone said it.

It's mushy. It's flavorless. It masquerades as nutrition while delivering disappointment on every fork. And yet somehow, it's everywhere.

Texture Rating
0/10
Unacceptably mushy
Flavor Profile
None
Tastes like wet cardboard
Disappointment Level
100%
Every single time

The Core Problems

🤢

The Texture Disaster

Whether roasted, steamed, or pureed, squash achieves the impossible: being simultaneously mushy and stringy. It's the vegetable equivalent of culinary confusion.

😴

The Flavor Void

Squash doesn't taste bad because it doesn't taste like anything. It's a blank canvas that even butter, salt, and maple syrup can't save. Stop trying to make it happen.

🎭

The Great Pretender

Squash masquerades as "healthy comfort food" every fall. But comfort food should bring joy, not resignation. Looking at you, butternut squash soup.

You're Not Alone

For too long, squash-haters have suffered in silence at holiday dinners, potlucks, and trendy restaurants. No more. It's time to stand up and say: "No, I will not have just a small spoonful to try it."

Squash "Fun" Facts

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Market Research

Nobody has ever genuinely requested seconds of butternut squash. Citation: common sense.
🎃

Pumpkin Spice Paradox

People love pumpkin spice but hate actual pumpkin. Almost like the squash is the problem.
🍝

Spaghetti Squash Insult

Named after pasta, tastes nothing like pasta. It's gaslighting in vegetable form.

Time Waste

Average time to prep a butternut squash: 15 minutes. Average enjoyment: 0 minutes.